


Why You Don't Make Spontaneous Blood Pacts

by writingkiwi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bodyswap, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Esteem Issues, Set after Episode 45, Threats of Death, Threats of Violence, Uk'Atoa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-10-06 02:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17337161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingkiwi/pseuds/writingkiwi
Summary: Fjord and Caleb swap bodies and learn a lot about each other while trying to fix it





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone so I apologise for any errors

Something is not right. This is the first thing Fjord realises as he wakes. The second thing is that his cut palm still stings. He's still giddy with excitement that Caleb followed his cue with that, but the anticipation of his end of the bargain is slowly killing him. Deciding to investigate the source of his unease Fjord sits up in bed and wipes the sleep from his eyes. As his vision clears he notices he is not in his cabin and that his roommate is now a tiny Goblin instead of a giant Firbolg.

 

Before he can ask Nott what the hell is up he gets distracted by the weight of more hair on his head than there should be. He pulls a few strange into his line of sight and gasps at the ginger hue. Scrambling from the bed and trying not to wake Nott he makes his way to the nearest bathroom with a mirror and shrieks.

 

Staring back at him is none other than Caleb Widogast. Fjord moves this way and that trying to catch the reflection in a mistake, but to no avail.

 

“This can't be happening” Hearing his true accent in Caleb's voice was jarring to say the least.

 

Before Fjord can decide how he wants to go about this predicament, Nott kicks in the door with her crossbow raised.

 

Fjord shrieks again.

 

“Caleb!? Are you okay? Did something hurt you? Was it a night terror?” Nott lowers her crossbow and approaches Fjord checking him over for injuries.

 

Fjord’s imitated many people but never a Zemnian. Not trusting his mimicry skills he just nods.

 

“Do you want me to stay up with you?” Seeing Nott's genuine concern aimed in his direction is a new experience for Fjord, it's odd from someone he sees mostly for her shenanigans.

 

Fjord shakes his head and is unsettled by the new feeling of hair moving with the motion.  Nott gives him one last once over before heading out the door, “Well I'm gonna see if Caddy is making breakfast, and I'll bring you something if I don't see you there.”

 

As soon as Nott leaves Fjord rushes down the hall to his shared room with Caduceus. He eases the door open and peers inside, the Firbolg's bed is neatly made and there's a snoring lump in Fjord’s bed. Does Fjord snore like that?

 

He sneaks over to his bed and feels his gut lurch at the sight of himself. It's like an out of body experience. Fjord reached out with his new bandaged hands and shakes who is hopefully Caleb awake.

 

“5 more minutes Nott.” A sleepy Zemnian voice mumbles.

 

“This is kinda urgent!” Fjord hisses.

 

Fjord's body sits up and wipes his eyes of sleep. “What is urgent-?” Before he finishes the question he kicks away from Fjord and reaches for a component pouch he does not have.

 

Fjord holds his hands up as non threateningly as possible.

 

“Take it easy. It's Fjord, and I'm guessing you're Caleb?”

 

“Ja, but how can I trust that you are not an illusion, or some creature with shape changing abilities?”

 

“Well shit we haven't exactly shared a bunch of deep dark secrets.” Fjord points at the Mariners armour on his nightstand, “Well you gave me that in a trade for your magic fire glove. We keep promising to make it work despite that going so well lately. You told me not to blame myself after the iron shepherds bullshit. We're both out here in the middle of the ocean cos of some weird serpent that gave me my magic. And we cut our palms after checking out my old shipwreck. Is that enough for you?”

 

Caleb stares at him with Fjord's bright yellow eyes. “I think hearing your unique accent come out of my mouth has convinced me.”

 

Fjord laughs. “It's weird right? You might be the first half orc to speak with a Zemnian accent.”

 

Caleb scrunches up Fjord's face in concentration. “This is going to be quite the situation to solve. However the arcane implications and theory involved could be revolutionary.”

 

“You're right. I wonder?” Fjord let's his voice trail off and summons his falchion to his hand which appears as usual with a sea spray.

 

Caleb sits up at this. “Huh. This means Uk'Atoa's pact is tied to your soul and has no physical bounds. This could mean your pact surpasses death…”

 

Fjord shudders. “We have enough problems right now please don't theorise about new ones.”

 

Caleb stands up. “You're correct this current problem is more than enough for us.” As Caleb heads over to Fjord's pack to get dressed he stops abruptly. Before Fjord can ask what's up Caleb is right in front of him and pulling at something around his neck.

 

“I need this.” He pulls it up over Fjord's head and then down over his own. Fjord examines the amulet resting against Caleb's now green chest. A carved golden eye stares back.

 

“What is that?”

 

Caleb looks conflicted before answering. “It's a protective amulet, it prevents divination magic from detecting me. I am unsure if spells looking for me could detect me you or both of us in our current state so we need to fix this fast.”

 

Fjord puts a hand on Caleb's shoulder to ease his quickened breathing. “Who's looking for you that has you so afraid?”

 

Caleb sits back down on the bed. “You reminded me I promised you something else in the trade for that armour.”

 

“You did?” So much has happened lately Fjord can barely remember their first few months together.

 

“I did. You want to know about my past and why it keeps haunting me with fire. Well I feel I owe you this story by now.”

 

And so Caleb repeats the story of how he murdered his parents. When Caleb reaches the end of his story Fjord is so overwhelmed with emotions he doesn't know how to react.

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

“I uh ja?”

 

Fjord embraces Caleb and holds him tight. “I'm sorry you went through that.”

 

“Don't be sorry I am a bad person.”

 

Fjord growls and sits back to make eye contact with his own eyes. “You're a hypocrite. _You can't blame yourself for what someone else does to you_ those are your words.”

 

While Caleb disagrees in silence it dawns on Fjord that Caleb basically experienced a hug from himself. Based on the self loathing he's expressing Fjord wants to cry that this may have been the closest thing to self love he's experienced in a long time.

 

“You're right though, we do need to fix this soon or find another one of those fancy amulets. I don't want that Ikathon bastard coming anywhere near you.”

 

Caleb nods. “Ja that could very ugly. We need to tell the others so we can have all hands on deck.”

 

“But they'll make it weird.” Fjord whines.

 

Caleb rolls his eyes. “They will. But do you truly believe you can imitate me? Have you even used a Zemnian accent before?”

 

Fjord pouts. “No.”

 

Caleb smirks. “That's what I thought. Come on let's go tell the others and suffer through their teasing.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna ignore that latest episode and hang out in this au

Fjord follows Caleb to the mess hall and discovers Caleb is shorter than him. He knew this subconsciously but Fjord hasn't had to look up at someone besides Yasha and Caduceus for a long long time. He also thought Caleb was much shorter but turns out he just hunches in on himself a lot and with how Fjord carries himself the difference isn't all that much.

 

When they reach the mess hall the delicious smell of whatever Caduceus is cooking up greets them like a warm embrace. They spot Jester talking at Beau excitedly and waving her hands around to emphasise her story whilst Beau was face down on the table, but appears to be listening. Meanwhile further down the table Nott has started her day drinking and is watching intently as Yasha presses some new flowers into her book.

 

Fjord leans over to Caleb.

 

“Do we tell them as a group or find the easiest to explain to?” He whispers eyes darting around the table.

 

Before Caleb can answer their presence is noticed.

 

“Oh hey Caleb let me tell you about this new book!” Jester calls them over.

 

Beau looks over her shoulder at them which reveals the bags beneath her eyes. “She's been talking all night, save yourselves” She groans before dropping her head down again.

 

“What book?” Caleb asks, causing both Beau and Jester to startle and give him a weird look.

 

“Fjord you're never interested in my books!” Jester looks excited at the idea of telling Fjord all her opinions and theories on her latest novel.

 

“What the fuck is up with your voice? Did you cough up more seawater?” Beau is scrutinizing them and it's making Fjord nervous.

 

“That's actually what we wanted to talk about.” Fjord mumbles.

 

“Your voice is fucked up too.”

 

Fjord lets out a resigned sigh. “Nott! Yasha! Get over here! Someone get Caduceus!”

 

Nott startles and scrambles over, Yasha jolts out of her daze and slams her book shut before standing up abruptly. Caduceus steps out of the kitchen looking more confused than usual.

 

Once Fjord is convinced everyone is paying attention he claps his hands together and regrets it as the cut on his palm flares up with pain.

 

“Alright so here's the thing. That's Caleb, I'm Fjord we don't know how this happened but we gotta fix it quick. Ya got it?” He gesture between the two of them and waits for their friends reply.

 

“Is this some kind of prank? Cos you need to work on your acting.” Beau deadpans.

 

Caleb sighs. “Fjord summon your sword.”

 

Oh that's smart! Caleb is so clever, Fjord will never not be impressed by Caleb's mind. He shakes himself out of his admiration induced haze and summons his falchion.

 

The falchion appears with a spray of seawater and everyone gasps. Fjord sends it away and gives them a smug look. “Believe us now?”

 

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM!?” Nott screeches and launches over the table to tackle Fjord. Except she weighs next to nothing and just ends up gripping to the lapels of Caleb's coat. Nott is very scary  up close with her needle sharp teeth.

 

“Nott! It is not his fault!” Caleb exclaims while pulling Nott off of Fjord.

 

“You don't know that!” She flails around as Caleb holds her still.

 

“Ja I do not. But he wouldn't have done this on purpose, he is as inconvenienced as I am right now.”

 

Nott crosses her arms and grumbles, but seems to calm down. Caleb places her gently on the ground and she continues to glare at Fjord.

 

“Magic is fucked up. How do you guys cope with this weird shit?” Beau asks allowed seemingly at no one in particular.

 

“This is truly fascinating. I have never seen magic like this.” Caduceus is staring at them with awe and delight.

 

Jester and Yasha are exchanging concerned looks and Fjord suddenly remembers those two witnessed the blood pact. Speaking of, is that what caused this? Before Fjord can voice this theory Caleb speaks up.

 

“So none of you have heard of anything like this?”

 

The Mighty Nein make a joint noise of mumbled confusion.

 

“I mean I've heard of some fucked up creatures that can steal people's bodies. But nothing like this.” Beau offers with a shrug.

 

Fjord does not want to know how she knows of something like that and refuses to accept it's existence.

 

Caleb sighs. “Okay, when we reach land I'll dedicate my time to researching the problem until then I'll be in my room. Or Fjord's room? We need to figure that out.” Caleb wanders off back towards their rooms.

 

Fjord turns to the remaining Nein. “Can any of y'all ask you're Deities for help with this kinda stuff? I don't wanna impose-”

 

“The Traveler probably knows how to help!” Jester says between bites of her breakfast.

 

“I'll ask the Wildmother for her wisdom.” Caduceus offers.

 

Fjord smiles. “Thanks guys I appreciate it.”

 

Jester and Beau pull matching confused and uncomfortable faces.

 

“It's weird seeing Caleb smile like that.”

 

They're right they don't see Caleb smile often and definitely not so openly. That's quite upsetting to think about. Shaking the thought from his mind Fjord collects a plate of breakfast for himself and one for Caleb. He's not letting Caleb skip breakfast, especially if it could affect the muscle mass Fjord's been working on.

 

He carries the plates to Caleb's room and knocks on the door. The door opens and Fjord is greeted with his own face. His gut turns at the sight, he thought a mirror was bad but seeing yourself from the outside is much worse.

 

“I brought food.”

 

Caleb steps aside and let's Fjord in. Caleb accepts the plate given to him and sits on his bed. Fjord looks around for somewhere to sit but doesn't want to risk sitting on Nott's bed. So he awkwardly sits on the edge of Caleb's bed trying to keep a comfortable amount of space between them. They both dig into their food in a somewhat companionable silence.

 

“Are we gonna talk about this or just act as normal until we hit land?” Fjord breaks the silence.

 

“What is there to discuss?”

 

Fjord gets distracted by the visible tusks as Caleb speaks.

 

“I dunno. Like boundaries and stuff?”

 

Caleb rolls his eyes. “Like what? If we are stuck like this for even the next few hours boundaries are going to be crossed just by going about our day.”

 

Fjord tries not to think too long about Caleb's implications and wills the heat from his face to leave.

 

“Wow I really do turn red as a tomato.”

 

Fjord covers his face with his hands. “Ugh. I get all that stuff. But are you sure there isn't anything you don't want me doing while we're stuck like this?”

 

Caleb falls silent. “Do not remove those arm wraps.”

 

Fjord drops the hands from his face and examines the dirty off white cloth wrapped around Caleb's arms. “Even for cleaning?”

 

Caleb holds his eye contact which is a rare thing. “Not. At. All.”

 

Fjord nods. “Got it.”

 

“And this should go without saying but no sexual encounters while you occupy my body.”

 

Fjord knows he's flushing again and hates it.

 

“Of course! I would never. It's not like I have any opportunities here anyway.”

 

Caleb frowns in confusion at some part of Fjord's rambling but doesn't elaborate.

 

“So what about you?”

 

Fjord doesn't know where to begin. His ideal boundary would be to not see his face but he can't ask that of Caleb. Seeing his tusks everything Caleb speaks is really grating on him.

 

“I notice you keep looking at the tusks.”

 

Fjord ducks his head in shame. “That obvious huh?”

 

Caleb nods. “I may not understand why you have this particular hang up, however if it is causing you discomfort I can manage them however you wish.”

 

The feeling that swells in Fjord's chest is new and strange. It's like a comforting warmth that burns a little at the edges. He blinks his eyes rapidly to fight off any tears.

 

“That's awfully thoughtful of you Caleb. I'd never ask you to file them down, without practice you risk hurting yourself.”

 

Caleb hums in thought. “You could do it. If it bothers you this much?”

 

That could actually work. Heck it might even be easier since he'll have a better view of what he's doing.

 

“That’s a great idea Caleb. I'll just go get my file from my room.”

 

Fjord heads back to the Captain Quarters to retrieve the file. No matter how many times he enters the room it still holds those unfortunate memories and necessary evils. He shudders it off and leaves with what he came for.

 

When he returns to Caleb's room he finds the man in question kneeling beside the bed.

 

“Uh… what ya doing?”

 

“It'll be easier to file if you're higher than me correct?”

 

He's not wrong. But the implications of the whole situation have Fjord feeling some kind of way. Fjord just nods and sits himself on the edge of the bed facing Caleb.

 

“This isn't a quick thing, just tap my leg if your jaw needs a break.”

 

Caleb nods before letting his mouth fall open revealing the two tusks that have bothered Fjord his whole life. He sets to work filing them and focuses on the tusks and avoids making eye contact. It takes quite a while with all the breaks to relax Caleb's jaw and to spit out any filings.  After a couple hours the tusks are short enough for Fjord to deal with. If Fjord wasn't so focused on snuffing out his imperfections he'd probably be hyperware of how intimate this situation is.

 

“How do you do this so frequently? Is it not exhausting?” Caleb says while stretching his jaw.

 

Fjord doesn't know how to explain it to someone like Caleb. Caleb the human, who is handsome when he's not hiding beneath grime. Caleb the genius who learned his magic all on his own. Caleb the Empire kid who belonged where he grew up. Caleb the timid guy who doesn't get called a monster for looking different.

 

“It's necessity.”

 

Caleb doesn't press the subject but does a raise an important one.

 

“So how do you think Uk'atoa will react to this?”

 

Fjord shudders at the mention of his patron. “For all I know this is its doing.”

 

Caleb moves to lean against Nott's bed but remains on the floor. “Potentially. But why? Everything it's done with you so far has to been to further it's goal of escape.”

 

That's true this wouldn't help Uk'atoa. Unless. “Maybe it's some weird attempt to get you involved.”

 

“What could I possibly do for that thing?”

 

Fjord laughs hollowly. “I've been asking myself that months. Caleb you're incredibly smart and your magic is amazing, you're pretty fucking useful.”

 

Caleb's face closes off in a way that is uncomfortably reminiscent of the times Caleb has killed something with fire.

 

“Caleb?”

 

Caleb shakes out of it, but it is uncomfortably stiff. “I'm fine.”

 

Fjord moves to the floor to kneel before Caleb. “I respect your privacy, but I know a bad reaction when I see one. What did i do?”

 

Caleb closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath. “Not all compliments have good intentions.”

 

That just raises more questions. “Compliments in general? Or about your magic?”

 

“Magic.”

 

Well now Fjord feels like shit for all the compliments he's dished out since meeting Caleb. He needs to find whoever ruined compliments for Caleb and give them a piece of his mind. But for now he'll reel it in and save his friend some grief.

 

“Well then I guess I'll just have to compliment your dashing good looks.”

 

Caleb snorts, and Fjord gets to witness his own face blush for the first time.

 

“And how are you going to do that?” Caleb's smiling in pure amusement and Fjord is so mad he can't see it on his actual face.

 

“We'll make it work.”


	3. Chapter 3

As Fjord sets about going to sleep he’s taunted by the ever present fear that Uk’atoa will interrupt his rest.  He’s even more nervous tonight however with the current body swapping predicament. While Fjord lets himself slip into the void of sleep his peace is interrupted by the unfortunate foreboding presence of the serpent.

 

Fjord finds himself suspended in water and assessing himself finds he has his body back. Despite his feelings towards his body he feels an overwhelming sense of relief. The big glowing yellow eye is staring into his soul as usual and seems displeased.

 

_ DISTRACTION _

 

Well that's a new one. Bubbles float upwards out if Fjord’s line of sight as he opens his mouth to question his patron. Before he can speak a muffled yell draws his eye.  Floating below him is another figure. A mop of red hair and scrawny pale limbs tips Fjord off to their identity.

 

“Caleb?” 

 

A slithering form encircles Caleb and constricts his torso forcing the air out of him.

 

“CALEB!”

 

Fjord swims over to him and digs his claws into the scaly flesh trapping the wizard. He yanks at the binds to no avail as the life fades from Caleb's eyes.

 

“No. No no no no no!” Fjord cups Caleb's cold face and prays for those intense blue eyes to light up.

 

Fjord spins around to face the eye with a roar of anguish.

 

“Why!? You think this will make me help you?”

 

_ PUNISH _

 

Fjord jolts awake and coughs salt water up his burning throat. Despite his best efforts to be quiet about it Caduceus sits up and frowns in his direction.

 

“Mr Fjord are you alright?”

 

Fjord shakes his head before remembering Caduceus can't see in the dark, and neither can he right now.

 

“Uk'Atoa is not happy about this body swapping situation.”

 

“Well at least you're on the same page.” Caduceus sounds far to happy given the circumstances.

 

Fjord sighs. “I wish that were the case. I think it believes this is my fault.”

 

“Well is it?”

 

“I already told y'all I don't know why this happened.”

 

Caduceus hums. “You may not know but you have a suspicion don't you?”

 

Curse that firbolg and his mind reading bullshit.

 

“I mean yeah but we encounter all sorts of weird shit so of course I have theories.”

 

“Maybe investigate those?”

 

Before Fjord can reply there's a hesitant knock at their door. Fjord pulls himself to his feet to greet their midnight guest and is greeted with his own face once again. He looks terrified.

 

“May I come inside?”

 

Fjord steps aside letting Caleb's shivering form sit on his bed. Caduceus gets up to leave claiming to go make some tea.

 

“That uh sea water problem you have is quite painful.”

 

Fjord drops down onto the bed beside Caleb.

 

“You got an awful wake up too?”

 

Caleb nods, but Fjord can barely see it.

 

“Can you do your light thing?” Fjord wiggles his fingers for emphasis.

 

The precise movements of the spell look foreign on Fjord’s body. Four globes of light emit from clawed green hands and begin a slow dance around the room. It may be a simple cantrip to Caleb, but it's something special to Fjord.

 

“Uk'Atoa was not pleased with you.”

 

Fjord's eyes widen and he grips Caleb's shoulder.

 

“You were there? I- I thought you were an illusion, it uses those to communicate with me but also to taunt me. Caleb I am truly sorry you had to face that thing,and in such a violent way.”

 

Caleb's watching him intently and Fjord can almost hear that brain clicking away.

 

“It is no problem, I am well acquainted with unpleasant dreams. But Fjord I am worried for you. Your patron is resorting to threats to motivate you which does not bode well for what it may do if given too much rope.”

 

“Well lucky for us I have no intention of freeing it.” Fjord grins smugly but it falls when Caleb's frown lines deepen.

 

“Fjord are you not concerned that it's threats are not bluffs? Do you even know what it's capable of in its current state?”

 

Fjord has no idea of Uk'Atoa's limits. But if it intends to follow through on those threats Caleb and the the rest of the Nein are in danger. He needs a way out if this pact.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Shit indeed.”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Several days at sea pass slowly with the Nein helpless to make progress on their current situation. The traveler has been silent much to Jester's annoyance and think veiled fear. The Wildmother only passed along the knowledge that whatever caused this was an old dead magic, or not so dead it would seem.

 

With little else to do everyone focussed on maintaining the ship and making plans for when they arrived in Nicodranas. Jester obviously wanted to check in with her mother and everyone was happy to be graced with The Ruby's presence. Fjord and Caleb wanted to solve their predicament asap and the group agreed that was a priority.

 

Before they hit land they had a run in with a group of pirates. Nothing worrisome just an annoyance. Beau kicked one overboard, Yasha cleaved through several, Nott shot them in their joints, Jester unleashed the razor lollipop, Caduceus’ beetles got a snack, and Caleb lit them up with his Phoenix fire gauntlet. 

They made quick work of them which is convenient as Fjord's falchion is refusing to appear.

 

While the group is looting the bodies and searching the pirate ship Fjord is trying to fire of a spell, any spell. Halfway through a fruitless attempt at Eldritch blast a hand lands on his shoulder. 

 

“Your magic is not responding.” The deep voice of Caduceus manages to scare and calm him at once.

 

“What? No… I must've just used up all my magic juice.” Fjord laughs uneasily.

 

Caduceus levels him with his not quite disappointed expression.

 

“Alright fine so my magic isn't working. Maybe Uk'Atoa is being stingy to prove a point, or maybe it's ability to gift magic is limited with it imprisoned and all. I don't exactly know how this magic stuff works okay?”

 

Caduceus’ face twists in thought. “Your magic is a contract correct?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That is not too dissimilar to how Miss Jester and myself acquire our magic. What are the terms of your contract?”

 

“The...the terms?”

 

Eyes widening Caduceus gasps. “No. Fjord please tell me you did not go over terms in this contract.”

 

Fjord folds his arms defensively. “Hey it's not like it ever told me what was up. I just woke up on a beach with magic and got ominous promises in my dreams.”

 

“Scheiße.”

 

Fjord and Caduceus turn to face Caleb who has apparently been eavesdropping.

 

“Fjord….your life was traded in that pact.”


End file.
